All that that you can't leave behind
by jessesgirl29
Summary: Formally called 'Ordinary people'. Clarejohn. set when they are twenty one and have been togther since the movie. About growing up, making bad choices and living with them.
1. The beginning

**First things first, the Breakfast Club is owned by John Hughes and I am merely borrowing his characters and hoping he wont mind. ****This fic is set when Claire is finishing college, I haven't decided whether to include any other characters from the movie yet, so watch this space. This idea kind of occurred to me one day and I had to write it.**

**I hope to start doing some more chapters for 'We are not alone' Soon. Sorry it's been neglected this long, life kind of got the in way. Any suggestions, comments and reviews would be more then welcome. Thanks x. **

Claire sat in the lecture theatre examining her nails. She had long since given up trying to look interested. It was a complulsary lecture on computers and new technologies around the campus. Stifling a yawn herself, Claire heard a soft snoring coming from behind her. Turning around, she saw a boy with his head on his desk, whom, by the looks of him had just lost the battle to stay awake. She sympathised. Turning back around to the front and looking at the clock on the wall, Claire saw that there was still another twenty minutes of this hell to go yet. Her major was English Literature, so she didn't understand why had to sit through this, why did you need computers to read a book? She was a couple of weeks from graduating anyway which made it all the more pointless. It was not as if she would even be around to use these so called 'New technologies'.

Claire had turned twenty one a couple of months back. It freaked her out at the time, she knew it was still young, but when she was in high school, she had always envisioned turning 21 some kind of passage into adulthood. You would just wake up in the morning and be a level headed mature adult. She had been sorely disappointed to find that didn't happen in the real world. She thought that she would graduate with honours, find a fabulous job in Chicago, John would propose, they would get married, and have babies. It would be blissful.

Claire was starting to learn however that sometimes things don't work out the way you thought they would, and even if they do, its not always how you thought it would be. The whole 'be careful what you wish for' philosophy. It sucked.

Even now her life was different to how she imagined it a couple of years ago. She assumed that she would go out of state to college; escape the hell that was her parent's marriage (and eventual divorce). That didn't happen. Instead, she went to a good college but it was well within driving distance on Shermer. She thought that college itself would be three years of dating, parties and fun. She would join the best sorority and be popular. None of that had happened. She sacrificed parties to study, didn't join any sorority, hadn't really made any close friends and shared a small apartment just off campus with a course mate. She wouldn't say she was bordering on antisocial exactly, but sometimes she wished she had made more of an effort socially.

She hadn't had one date in the three years she had spent on campus. Not for lack of offers, she had been with John for just over three years now. She had met John Bender in a detention back in high school. Classic story really, cute girl + bad boy instant attraction. It hadn't been easy, the social politics of high school kept them apart for a few weeks, although they managed secret regular liaisons. She hadn't slept with him of course, that didn't happen until college, but they used to make out for hours in various dark corners of shermer high. They got rumbled in the back seat of Claire's car one day by a friend and went public. Her friends were furious and froze Claire out the group. Not that she minded, they weren't the sort of friends that would stay in touch anyway. Her mother went schizo, but that was expected, and her father expressed quiet disappointment in his 'Little girl' but never really spoke about it.

Johns friends didn't really care, they were too stoned to realise anything different was happening, and sadly enough his parents didn't care that much either. John's father had died two years ago, dropped dead in the house from a massive heart attack. Claire wouldn't say that John was glad exactly, but he hadn't shown any great remorse either. John hadn't changed much since high school, his grades, were nowhere near enough to get into college, not that academics were his thing anyway. He did some labouring jobs around town, earned enough to support his self and his mother, and didn't care enough to earn any more. He still had that long hair, the hair that used to make Claire go weak, when he pushed it slowly out of his eyes before he leant in to kiss her, when it was sprayed across her bare chest after he had fallen asleep in bed. She adored John, but lately she had been feeling things change in their relationship. She couldn't remember the last time she felt butterflies around him and that made her sad. He kept reminding her that she finished college soon, and had started to drop subtle hints about finding a place together. Hints that gave Claire a heavy feeling in the pit of her stomach. She couldn't understand why she felt this way, she loved John, and surely this was the natural progression. The first step in the perfect life she had imagined.

Claire was snapped out of her thoughts by students gathering books and filing out of the lecture theatre. Thank god. She collected her books and stood up. She stood for a moment and looked at the boy still sleeping in the row behind her, she briefly considered waking him up but decided he looked so peaceful that she just couldn't do it. She walked out of the building and started to make her way across campus to the coffee shop. On her way she looked at the groups of friends scattered around the lawns and benches and felt a little twinge of envy. She knew now, that she had been way too wrapped in John when college began, and as a result she had sacrificed making any real friends. Something she regretted, having the gift of hindsight now. She had been to a few parties in her first year, but always snuck away and drove to Johns house. He was like her comfort zone. She never really fitted in at college, not that she made much of an effort, but she felt like she had belonged with John. Being now, a little older and a bit cynical, she was angry at the way she used to be. Running to John whenever she felt a little upset, out of place, angry. She should have given herself the space to stand on her own two feet. The few people she had kept in touch with from high school all loved college, had lots of friends, were always busy planning nights out and trips. Must be nice.

Claire reached the coffee shop and ordered herself a latte. Collecting her drink, she found a small empty table and sat down. She sat for a minute, drinking her coffee and willing the caffeine to kick in. Then she dug in her bag for the mail that she had collected from the mailman on her way to lectures that morning. She opened the first letter. Credit card bill, that could defiantly wait. She opened the second letter and scanned it quickly.

'Dear Miss Standish,

We at Highland and Hughes publishing were very impressed with your recent application and accompanying CV. Although there are currently no vacancies in our Chicago office, we would like to offer you an interview for the position of Junior Reader in our New York office……'

Claire stopped. She re read the beginning of the letter, and set it down. A couple of weeks before, to satisfy the career counsellor Claire started to apply for some jobs in various publishing houses. She wanted to be a literary agent one day, and she had been advised that the best way in was to apply for a reader's post and work your way up. She had never actually expected anything from it though, she had been told that the competion for these posts was fierce and it could be a while before a position arose. That didn't seem the case at Highman and Hughes though. For some unfathomable reason they wanted to interview her. As the news sunk in a smile crept across Claire's face, this could be a brilliant opportunity. A great job, a chance to live in New York.

She wondered how John would feel about this. She couldn't see him coming with her. He had always commented how he would hate living in the city, and besides his mother was still recovering from the death of his father and John had to support her.

Claire started to convince herself that she didn't want this job, but a small wave of resentment washed over her. She would be so good at this job, and yet her relationship would hold her back. She could almost feel the chains. She didn't want to lose John, but she didn't think she couldn't turn down this interview and honestly never hold it against him.

She drained the last of her latte, and collected her things together. It couldn't do any harm, to at least attend the interview could it? Then she could worry about things if she got the job, which she tried to tell herself was very unlikely anyway. Yet as she went to the payphone and dialled the number on the letter, something told her that she was making a bigger decision here then just whether to go to an interview or not…


	2. John

**Okay, so this chapter is about John, as if he is telling it to you. The story will be written like the last chapter, but I'm going to include chapters every now and again, from a first person POV. Kinda like the characters are taking breaks from the fic and going to a big brother style diary room or something. If it doesn't work, lemme know and it will get changed. I just thought it would be a good tool, to really see what's going on inside their heads. Again though, it's kind of experimental so it might suck.**

**This chapter is rated M for some swearing. Please review, over 80 people have read chapter 1, and I have had 3 reviews. I would really appreciate them, good or bad. Thanks.**

John

I don't like to think about how my life was before Claire. It sounds a bit dramatic, I know, but she is probably the reason I'm not in prison or something by now. Before her I honestly couldn't give a shit about anybody. My parents were slowly killing each other, my old man used to knock my Mom about, put her in the hospital twice. He was, true to the cliché, an alcoholic. It's sickening how predictable his story was, lost his job, couldn't find another one, and started blaming everyone but himself for his problems. He died a year ago, just dropped dead from a heart attack whilst watching the TV. I found him. I came in from work, and it honestly looked as if he was sleeping. He was normally passed out on the couch so I didn't think anything of it. I still don't really, I don't have many good memories of the guy, and I don't miss him at all. It sounds harsh, but the guy was a jerk. I try to tell my Mother that we're better off, but she's fallen apart since it happened. She quit work at the drugstore, signed off sick due to depression. Kept all his things the way they were. I don't know why she holds onto the memory of a guy that treated like shit, although I'm sure there's probably some deep fucking psychological reason or something.

So anyway, with that kind of home life, I was doomed to fail. How could I not? I was using drugs, mostly only weed, but I started using the harder stuff when things got really bad. I used to get drunk most nights. Looking back I could so easily have turned into my father. I still drink, don't get me wrong, I'm not a fucking angel, but I know my limits, and I drink to relax, not to escape.

My friends, if you could call them that, couldn't believe the change in me after I met her. Instead of hanging around loser bars and squats, I started spending most of my free time sneaking in Claire bedroom window. Now she's in college I usually stay over about three times a week. I takes a lot of discipline to stay away for the other four nights, but then she starts moaning about having to study or something. I remember the first time I stayed over all night, the first time we slept together. Though we didn't get much sleeping done, you know what I mean? She was so nervous that night, even I was shaking. I mean, I wasn't a virgin of course, but I had never slept with any girl that I actually cared about. I was willing to wait as long as she wanted, knew how inexperienced she was. I'll spare you the gory details, but it was the best night of my life. I'm going to sound like a girl, but I honestly felt as if I could have died right then, and it would have been okay, because that surely was as good as life could get. The entire night was so intense. When it was over, and we were both lying there in the darkness, she whispered so quietly that she loved me. I don't think anyone had ever said that to me before. Not that I can remember, my parents weren't really the loving type.

Before that moment I never really knew where we were going. There's like this voice inside my head, and every now and again, it'll cut through the good stuff and remind me that I'm not good enough for her. We both know its true but we don't mention it. I have almost no qualifications, just my high school diploma, and it's a fucking miracle I have that. My main priority after high school was just getting a job, save some money, get my own place. Soon as I saved enough money, whadda you know? The bastard died. I had to stay. I wasted a big chunk of that money, my freedom, to pay for his funeral. I could almost hear him laughing at me.

So yeah, I'm back at square one. Claire is graduating soon, and I've started dropping hints that maybe we could look for a place together. Since that first night I know that we were in it for the long haul. Makes me sound like a sissy, but sometimes you just know. I also have a surprise graduation gift for her. The ring isn't as big or as flashy as a richer guy could afford to buy her, but it's nice. I may not ever be rich, but nobody will love her more then I do. You don't need the biggest rock to make the gesture. It's just a way of telling her that I always want her there, and when she's ready, I want to marry her someday. What's the point in hanging around? She's it for me. As good as it's going to get.

Don't know what I would do without her. Lucky I don't have that problem.


	3. The last night

**So then, This Chapter, I've skipped a whole chunk in the middle, but it still makes sense. I just didnt think it was needed. I hope you all enjoy. And for the hundreds of people that are reading this and not reviewing….let me know what you think. I'm writing this for your enjoyment. Any comment good or bad would be more then welcome.  
Rated M for slightly sexual content (woo hoo)**

"So where are you going"

"New York"

"New York?" John considered this "Why?"

"I told you, It's just a little shopping trip. Celebrate the end of finals"

"Do you really have to go all the way to New York? Chicago has shops you know"

"Yeah, but New York has the biggest ones"

John rolled his eyes at Claire and kissed the top of her forehead lightly. She was sure he could tell that she was lying. She had rung the publishing house and had set an interview date for six weeks later. She had thought that plenty of time to call and cancel if she changed her mind, yet here she was bags packed the night before, in bed with John. Telling him lie after lie and praying that he wouldn't realise. She hadn't meant to get herself in this deep, but when she had explained that she was going away he had pestered her for a reason, and shopping was the first thing that came to mind. Nobody would put it past her to travel all the way to New York just to go shopping. Tell him the truth? Not an option. Why stir things up, she thought, when there was no need. John would get wound up, accuse her of wanting to run away from him. She wanted this night to hold onto.

"Are you even listening to me?" John interrupted Claire's thoughts

"Yeah sorry, I'm just tired"

"Oh right," John smirked "I guess that's my fault"Claire pretended to be offended and hit him with a pillow.

"Are you hungry?" She asked him, sitting up and pulling the sheets away.

"Do you even need to ask?" John looked at her bare back, her red hair tumbling down, all dishevelled. God, she was beautiful.

"I'm just going to the kitchen, be right back" She told him

"You better" repiled John, his eyes roaming her body.

Claire stood up and reached for Johns discarded shirt. Slipping it over her head, she tiptoed to the kitchen. She stood there for a couple of minutes in the darkness trying to get her thoughts together. People who said guilt was just an emotion were lying, it was an actual physical pain, weighing heavily upon her shoulders. She could reason all she wanted, tell herself that nothing was set in concrete yet, but she felt bad lying to him at all. She heard John call her name, and grabbing some chips, she headed back towards the bedroom. She stood at the doorframe for a few moments watching him, searching his eyes for a reason to stay.

"You gonna stand there forever cherry? Or come back to bed?"

John smiled at her, and pulled the sheets back for Claire for climb back in.  
Crossing the room, Claire set down the chips on her dresser, padded softly across to the bed and laid down beside John. He turned over so that his body was facing hers and leant down to kiss her softly.

"Are you okay?" he whispered.

Claire pulled his face down to meet hers and kissed him hungrily in response. She intertwined her fingers with his hair, felt his body responding to her kisses. She stopped pulled back slightly and pulled his head a little away from hers to look into his eyes.

"I love you so much" she said sadly.

John kissed her lips and started to unbutton his shirt that she was wearing. Moving down and kissing each bit of flesh that was exposed as he undone each button.  
Claire felt a warm tear escape and run down the side of her face, How could she leave him?

……………………………

Claire was sat in the reception of Highman and Hughes publishing, in total shock. She had just finished the interview. The guy who had told her, ironically enough, 'to call him John,' had just informally told her that the job was hers. She would get the official letter within a week, and then they could discuss hours and a starting salary. Claire couldn't believe it, the whole thing had just snowballed. She never really thought that she would get the job, but John had been gushing about how they 'loved her CV' were always looking to 'recruit new talent' into the house. A voice broke into Claire's thoughts.  
"Hey, uh, are you alright"  
She looked over the receptionist, a trendy young girl, around Claire's age, trying to look concerned. Claire suspected she was just being nosey.  
"Yeah, I'm fine thank you"  
Claire stood up, gathered her bag and made her way towards the elevator. The offices were modern, bright and wonderful. Claire couldn't believe that soon she would be working here. A little part of her was still feeling that it wasn't to late, she hadn't signed anything. She could turn down the offer and live happily ever after with John. Another little voice, tried to reason that maybe John would like to live In New York, a change would be good for him. It was complete crap, she knew that, he would never move. The question was, could she leave him?  
She stepped into the elevator and watched the doors close, watched the little lights as she descended towards the ground floor. Beating her way through the crowd, she left the offices and walked a couple of steps. She turned around gazed up at building, the possibilities and opportunities this move couldcreate buzzed through her mind.  
So then, this was it, decision time.


End file.
